Who's Making Breakfast?

I've been struggling with wicked PMS for the last 6 months. I think of it as my penance for not having a cycle for 17 months while I was pregnant and nursing. I've discussed how to combat the beast with my doctor and I'm trying to exercise, increase my protein intake and cover my vitamin needs. Leading an optimal healthy lifestyle is undoubtedly the last thing I want to do when I enter the post-ovulation darkness. Hell, it gets so bad staying vegetarian seems challenging!

In the midst of my current state of ugliness, I enjoy taking time out to review the informational brochure given to me by my doctor about "Breaking Through the PMS Cloud." Overall the pamphlet is educational and somewhat helpful. It's most useful feature, however, is its ability to make me bust a gut laughing.

Picture the sleep hygiene page, with its helpful quips:

• Sleep consistent hours. What?


• Follow a bedtime routine to help your body and mind sleep. Isn't my routine the laying in the dark praying my son will sleep soon?


• Limit bed activity to sleeping and sex. I'll throw a party in my bed if wife and I get time to have sex at all, let alone in the bed.


• Use earplugs and a mask if necessary for a dark, quiet environment. To drown out the screaming, flailing child?

But here's the piece de resistance for me:

• Explain the importance of sleep so your family can help you feel better. Family members can, for instance, keep quiet in the morning while you're sleeping; and they can make their own breakfasts, so you can sleep later.

This lovely sidebar comes complete with the picture of a dopey white man serving two young children breakfast, holding his finger to his lips to indicate quiet voices.

I ask: Do these educational health pamphlet authors live in the same dimension as I do--and many other women who work their souls to the bone every day???

Ooops...can anyone tell which side of the PMS cloud I'm on? I'll just ask Mr. Man to make his own breakfast in the morning.